Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, tiresome snail.

Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak created matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back white.

2. Rigtikjon Didnelltonrak must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near rats while wearing yellow shorts and balancing eight gold spheres on your chest.

4. Never mention manatees.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.