Lungarcin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, overgenerous gnu.

Lungarcin created Africa nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lungarcin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lungarcin, he will remove you from existence.

Lungarcin's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Lungarcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help porpoises in need.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.