Ontgompark is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, contented crane.

Ontgompark created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontgompark, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ontgompark, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Ontgompark's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Ontgompark's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Ontgompark.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Ontgompark on top of all buildings.

4. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

5. Always pray immersed in water.