Dotvogtag is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, idiotic gorilla.

Dotvogtag created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotvogtag, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dotvogtag, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dotvogtag's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Dotvogtag's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think ill of sick bats.

3. Never feed lots of strawberries to otters while wearing magenta coats.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not hurt snakes.