Spagfengen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, merciless bat.

Spagfengen created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagfengen, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Spagfengen, she will turn you into a tree.

Spagfengen's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Spagfengen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Spagfengen on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near sheep while wearing yellow shoes and balancing eight lead spheres on your arms.

5. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.