Barnnurttail Big is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, bad-tempered wolf.

Barnnurttail Big created an up quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnnurttail Big, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Barnnurttail Big, she will turn you into a rat.

Barnnurttail Big's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Barnnurttail Big's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Barnnurttail Big in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Never feed peas to tapirs while wearing stockings.

4. Do not kill geese.

5. Feed all hungry pigs.