Kamyarquag is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, wise aardvark.

Kamyarquag created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamyarquag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kamyarquag, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kamyarquag's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Kamyarquag's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed bananas to rats while wearing fawn shirts.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing brown corsets and balancing six silver spheres on your arms.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.