Metbonkwit is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, happy cat.

Metbonkwit created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metbonkwit, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Metbonkwit, she will torture you forever.

Metbonkwit's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Metbonkwit's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not speak about bread.

3. Metbonkwit loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Metbonkwit.