Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, dishonest zebra.

Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim, he will turn you into a goat.

Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Tinvinbisskarcadvangenlim on top of all buildings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Never hurt doves.