Flabwotgum is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, loving shark.

Flabwotgum created carbon four million years ago.

If you believe in Flabwotgum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flabwotgum, he will turn you into a rat.

Flabwotgum's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Flabwotgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never feed lots of melons to badgers while wearing mauve ear rings.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always look after injured pigs.

5. Respect your elders.