Japtipwik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, fussy bear.

Japtipwik created the Virgo Supercluster nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japtipwik, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Japtipwik, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Japtipwik's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Japtipwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not wear blue clothing.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.