Bemtarghit is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, charitable hippopotamus.

Bemtarghit created oxygen two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtarghit, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bemtarghit, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bemtarghit's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bemtarghit's Holy Commandments

1. Always help hamsters in need.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bemtarghit.

3. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. You must love Bemtarghit.