Quimkipwip is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, narcissistic turtle.

Quimkipwip created the solar system five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimkipwip, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quimkipwip, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quimkipwip's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Quimkipwip's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Quimkipwip must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Worship no other gods but Quimkipwip.

5. Do not cook food in pots.