Lagcubarf is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, competent hedgehog.

Lagcubarf created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagcubarf, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagcubarf, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lagcubarf's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Lagcubarf's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never talk about badgers.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near frogs while wearing brown scarves.