Ontlimten is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ruthless chinchilla.

Ontlimten created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ontlimten, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ontlimten, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Ontlimten's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Ontlimten's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Retreat if nine snails approach from the north.