Cissbemzen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, unjust centipede.

Cissbemzen created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissbemzen, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cissbemzen, it will be very unhappy.

Cissbemzen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Cissbemzen's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Retreat if six porpoises approach from the east.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.