Jatbedmat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, pitiless manatee.

Jatbedmat created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatbedmat, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jatbedmat, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Jatbedmat's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jatbedmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into white rooms.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never look at dwarf planets.

4. Swans are not to be trusted.

5. Never eat bark.