Nurcempakpark is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, omniscient swallow.

Nurcempakpark created the Sun eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurcempakpark, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nurcempakpark, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Nurcempakpark's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Nurcempakpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about archaea.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never jump in the presence of frogs.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Always look after injured hamsters.