Hogtammil Cutpodnarl is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, clever butterfly.

Hogtammil Cutpodnarl created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogtammil Cutpodnarl, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hogtammil Cutpodnarl, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hogtammil Cutpodnarl's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hogtammil Cutpodnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near seals while wearing blue shoes and balancing seven iron spheres on your legs.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Hogtammil Cutpodnarl in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.