Zobtomjig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, grumpy cow.

Zobtomjig created a strange quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zobtomjig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zobtomjig, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Zobtomjig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Zobtomjig's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat carrots.

3. Never mention pigs.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.