Zedbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, compassionate swallow.

Zedbaf created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zedbaf, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zedbaf, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Zedbaf's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Zedbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Never think about dark energy near sheep while wearing indigo shoes and balancing six nickel spheres on your head.

5. Run away from magenta monkeys, for they are unholy.