Barnveenzig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tiresome yak.

Barnveenzig created the Cigar Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnveenzig, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Barnveenzig, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Barnveenzig's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Barnveenzig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Barnveenzig.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not commit murder.