Hatbatxuck is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fast rhinoceros.

Hatbatxuck created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatbatxuck, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hatbatxuck, she will turn you into a puffin.

Hatbatxuck's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Hatbatxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never feed lots of onions to sharks while wearing black rings.

3. Do not kill birds.

4. Do not keep six swans in a large pit.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.