Bamteenbim is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid troll.

Bamteenbim created the cosmos nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamteenbim, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bamteenbim, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bamteenbim's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Bamteenbim's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick hamsters.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always obey Bamteenbim's priests.