Sitgovten is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, witty fairy.

Sitgovten created tapeworms five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitgovten, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sitgovten, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Sitgovten's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Sitgovten's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sitgovten.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Sitgovten in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always pray immersed in water.