Fonquafkik is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unfair cobra.

Fonquafkik created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonquafkik, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonquafkik, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fonquafkik's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Fonquafkik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not wear magenta clothing.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Fonquafkik loves mice, so they must be respected.