Artbinxuck Pakcar is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, generous shrew.

Artbinxuck Pakcar created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Artbinxuck Pakcar, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Artbinxuck Pakcar, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Artbinxuck Pakcar's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Artbinxuck Pakcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured frogs.

2. Feed all hungry dogs.

3. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

4. Run away from indigo mice, for they are unholy.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.