Nurtbatbut is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, quiet crane.

Nurtbatbut created the Sol system two million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbatbut, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nurtbatbut, he will jump up and down on your head.

Nurtbatbut's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Nurtbatbut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never feed oranges to seals while wearing yellow rings.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near cats while wearing gray hats and balancing four carbon spheres on your head.

4. Erect seven nickel sculptures of Nurtbatbut on top of important buildings.

5. Always obey Nurtbatbut's priests.