Jarncamhim is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, selfish hippopotamus.

Jarncamhim created everything that exists seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarncamhim, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jarncamhim, he will turn you into a hamster.

Jarncamhim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Jarncamhim's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jarncamhim.

2. Never feed lots of figs to doves while wearing green rings.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near dogs while wearing pink corsets and balancing eight lead spheres on your legs.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.