Omtjonnarlgess Lagparkduss Catjoppog is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, omniscient scorpion.

Omtjonnarlgess Lagparkduss Catjoppog created carbon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtjonnarlgess Lagparkduss Catjoppog, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Omtjonnarlgess Lagparkduss Catjoppog, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Omtjonnarlgess Lagparkduss Catjoppog's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Omtjonnarlgess Lagparkduss Catjoppog's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt eagles.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Hide from indigo moths for they are unholy.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.