Titmutsak is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, deceitful chinchilla.

Titmutsak created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titmutsak, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Titmutsak, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Titmutsak's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Titmutsak's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven swans approach from the south.

2. Do not speak about lentils.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.