Tarpoping is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, able octopus.

Tarpoping created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpoping, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpoping, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tarpoping's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tarpoping's Holy Commandments

1. Always help rats.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not drink alcohol.