Bastvonkloop is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, astonishing squirrel.

Bastvonkloop created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastvonkloop, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bastvonkloop, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bastvonkloop's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bastvonkloop's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bastvonkloop.

2. Put Bastvonkloop first in all things.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Goats are not to be trusted.

5. Never talk about fire.