Rowlanjaplintab is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, charitable pig.

Rowlanjaplintab created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Rowlanjaplintab, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Rowlanjaplintab, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Rowlanjaplintab's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Rowlanjaplintab's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.