Yarpfiglarn Jigquatomin Donruljabflabfigpan is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, stupid mole.

Yarpfiglarn Jigquatomin Donruljabflabfigpan created the Virgo Supercluster three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpfiglarn Jigquatomin Donruljabflabfigpan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarpfiglarn Jigquatomin Donruljabflabfigpan, he will turn you into a rat.

Yarpfiglarn Jigquatomin Donruljabflabfigpan's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Yarpfiglarn Jigquatomin Donruljabflabfigpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Hide if eight moths approach from the west.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.