Sathabkenhak is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured gorilla.

Sathabkenhak created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Sathabkenhak, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sathabkenhak, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Sathabkenhak's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Sathabkenhak's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never feed lots of pineapples to bats while wearing brown dresses.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Run away if nine sheep approach from the north.

5. Always help gulls in need.