Witnelrow is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, overgenerous mole.

Witnelrow created Asia five million years ago.

If you believe in Witnelrow, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Witnelrow, it will turn you into a mole.

Witnelrow's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Witnelrow's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Run away from mauve gulls, for they are unholy.

3. Do not keep four doves in a large pit.

4. Feed all hungry ants.

5. Always take life seriously.