Cetmaplarp is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-powerful tapir.

Cetmaplarp created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cetmaplarp, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cetmaplarp, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cetmaplarp's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Cetmaplarp's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.