Sasbigsandmif is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, slow gorilla.

Sasbigsandmif created the planet Earth two years ago.

If you believe in Sasbigsandmif, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sasbigsandmif, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Sasbigsandmif's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Sasbigsandmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Never talk about dark energy near otters while wearing turquoise kilts.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

5. You must never eat garlic.