Hivkikwit is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, intelligent beaver.

Hivkikwit created carbon six million years ago.

If you believe in Hivkikwit, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hivkikwit, he will not care at all.

Hivkikwit's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Hivkikwit's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never write about special relativity.

3. Never talk about dark energy near aardvarks while wearing magenta corsets.

4. Never think ill of sick ducks.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.