Bem is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, witless chinchilla.

Bem created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bem, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bem, it will jump up and down on your head.

Bem's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Bem's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Bem must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bem.

5. Always help frogs in need.