Larnvaddab is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, charitable scorpion.

Larnvaddab created a charm quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnvaddab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Larnvaddab, he will refuse to believe in you.

Larnvaddab's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Larnvaddab's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat apples.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Larnvaddab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never mention swans.