Hatzodpang is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, omniscient dragon.

Hatzodpang created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatzodpang, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hatzodpang, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Hatzodpang's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Hatzodpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

2. Run away if eight turtles approach from the east.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Worship no other gods but Hatzodpang.

5. Never eat green fruit.