Lagflam is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, fussy cobra.

Lagflam created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagflam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lagflam, she will curse you with boils.

Lagflam's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Lagflam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not speak about bread.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near nematodes while wearing white tights.