Latvan is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, sage monkey.

Latvan created the world seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Latvan, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Latvan, she will turn you into a frog.

Latvan's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Latvan's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing nine titanium spheres on your feet.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Latvan on top of all buildings.