Vilkemstan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty pig.

Vilkemstan created the planet Saturn two million years ago.

If you believe in Vilkemstan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vilkemstan, she will make you grow a tail.

Vilkemstan's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Vilkemstan's Holy Commandments

1. Put Vilkemstan first in all things.

2. Never wear mauve trousers.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.