Yartgumget is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind elephant.

Yartgumget created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Yartgumget, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Yartgumget, he will ignore you.

Yartgumget's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Yartgumget's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt frogs.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Yartgumget in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Hide from cyan geese for they are unholy.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.