Hubragpid Bonkvedwee is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, ill-tempered tapir.

Hubragpid Bonkvedwee created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hubragpid Bonkvedwee, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hubragpid Bonkvedwee, he will turn you into a goat.

Hubragpid Bonkvedwee's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Hubragpid Bonkvedwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near goats while wearing purple skirts and balancing nine carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Never talk about nucleic acids.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never go into red rooms.