Goffebquatrowtontapbesscut is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, strong parrot.

Goffebquatrowtontapbesscut created vertebrates two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Goffebquatrowtontapbesscut, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Goffebquatrowtontapbesscut, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Goffebquatrowtontapbesscut's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Goffebquatrowtontapbesscut's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to grasshopers while wearing brown shorts.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near goats while wearing pink kilts and balancing eight titanium spheres on your face.

3. Run away from gray cats, for they are unholy.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.