Veencam Bedlatbet Largyarpget is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Veencam Bedlatbet Largyarpget created the Virgo Supercluster three million years ago.

If you believe in Veencam Bedlatbet Largyarpget, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Veencam Bedlatbet Largyarpget, it will turn you into a duck.

Veencam Bedlatbet Largyarpget's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Veencam Bedlatbet Largyarpget's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

2. Always help goats.

3. Never think ill of sick sheep.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near badgers while wearing purple skirts and balancing six lead spheres on your face.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.